It's over. 700+ pages. Nearly five years of my life. And it's over now.

So now what? (Must not cry.)

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*eats a big hunk of cheese*
Mmmm! Cheesy.

I noticed recently I have a real fetish for drawing people sleeping. I seem to really love doing it, especially couple-y type people. Maybe because it's sort of a sexual-yet-innocent kind of thing (is it post-coital, or are they sleeping platonicly?), or maybe because when I started doing it (first year at Sheridan) I was very very deprived of sleep, and drew people doing what I desired most.
Or maybe it's also because when people sleep they just seem so cute and vulnerble, and it's way fun to draw that.

I love sleep way too much. I've been getting a little too much of it, too, lately. Nothing much to do when you're unemployed: look for work, draw, visit friends who have jobs and lives, feel depressed, sleep, repeat cycle again.

I don't want to go back to school (ever), but I miss knowing what lies around the corner.

Me being totally self-indulgent.

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... for some reason I really like Isaac's bellybutton. And Gabe's chest hair ... also strangely hilarious.

The main hero character just peed off a ledge under the stars.

HAHAHAHHAA! Oh gawd, I love this game.

Finished Final Fantasy 7. Yes, so I'm about eight years behind current games. So what? ^^ I really enjoyed it. There was some weirdness, I felt, like maybe the translation from Japanese to Engrish wasn't the greatest... sometimes I felt like the story didn't come across very well, like there was stuff they just neglected to put in the game.

For example, characters would just namedrop the villain, and while I kindasorta know who he is (c'mon, if you're into gaming of any level, you'll know the name Sephiroth and you'll know that Aeris dies... so don't bother levelling her up!), they didn't really bother to sit down and explain who the guy was or why he went psycho and etc. I KNEW, but I mostly knew from osmosis and hearing people talk about the game. It was a pretty sharp contrast to Vagrant Story, which I felt did a wonderful job of explaining (without excess exposition) a loaded backstory.

But quibbles aside, I really enjoyed it. Despite the translation, the characters (both good and bad) were really appealling. Cloud made me laugh. He was such a delusional loser, and it sort of endured him to me. It's nice to see a game where the main character isn't some badass CHOSEN ONE, but instead the crummy washout. Hehe.

None of the female characters I really connected with, which was dissapointing. I'm big on female characters in games, and if I have a choice, I'll make my entire party female.  As it was, I usually went around with Cloud, Vincent and Tifa in my party. Vincent is way cute. I liked him. Good ol' coffin boy. *patpat* Tifa bugged me, tho. I wish she'd died instead of Aeris.

The ending ... I felt was a bit of a gyp. You spend all this time trying to beat the game, and then you save the world and see the lifestream destroying the metor ... and then the credits roll. Huh? Don't we get some sort of follow up on the characters? Bloody hell. Wah. I wanted to see Mr. T and Tifa get married, or something.

Anyway, now that I've finished this game, should I pick up FF8? I've heard that's good... also, if you want to reccomend something, that'd be great. I usually get my games second hand at EB Games. I can't afford new stuff.

Ahg, where did Desert Rocks go??? O__________O

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Bah. It's juuuuust about my no. #1 internet pet peeve when people criticise my work, I say "I don't think that's valid criticism" and they act all offended. Like I should just kinda take whatever they say.

Y'know, I think I'm pretty good with criticism. I had to take it at Sheridan for three years, and a few years before that at university. Been on the 'net for nearly five years (yeah, ancient) and I've heard just about every critical thing there is to say. And most of the time those criticisms are right. And I listen to them, go back to the drawing board and apply them. I'm grateful for those criticisms.

But sometimes someone just isn't right and I don't agree and I say so. Most of the time, when that happens, we argue and I explain my side and why I don't think the criticism is valid, and usually both of us go away happy. Maybe we still disagree, but I feel I've proven my point, and they feel they've proven theirs, so yeah...

Sometimes, however, I get someone who gets offended over me now bowing before his criticism. What, I'm supposed to take EVERYTHING? I'm supposed to be all "please sir, I want s'more?" That's so stupid. Criticism is just someone's opinion. Opinions ain't always right. And neither is acting all offended when I say 'um, no.'

Forgot to mention here: my comics are alive again!

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Yaaaaayy.

I am drawing comics! MUAHAHAHA!

Yes, for the first time in about two months, I'm starting back on my comics. I have my Ice page drawn for this Sunday, and have most of my D101 pages roughed out. And it's just like riding a bicycle! MUAHAHAHAHA!

... which is sort of strange, because I usually find I get extremely rusty when I don't do my comics regularly, but the D101 pages were pretty easy. I like drawing Isaac & Maddy being all lovey-dovey. It's like drawing porn! Only not anything like it! Yay!

I actually read Episode 5 recently (I have all the files on my comp, so I can view the comic without suffering the download time; am on a modem, yanno). It was interesting to read, I don't normally read my own comics. I like the art in the later pages, but because it's been such a long episode (I started it October 2002), my art skills have sharpened quite a bit over the course of it, so consequently, I'm unhappy with the early artwork.

... although it doesn't take much for me to be unhappy with my artwork, as I have absolutely no self esteem, and a ragged, beaten ego.

But I liked the later art (after page 50 or so), especially when I started shading with Painter 6 & 8, as opposed to classic. It helped a lot, I think. And the fight scenes actually impressed me. Especially liked John & Grey's fight ... there's just something about two hot guys beating on each other ... and then the underwater thing ... oh, sorry, drifted off there.

I think the Episode benefited a lot from having no plot. I mean, really, it has no plot: Gabe & Poe get kidnapped, everybody teams up to rescue them. End of story. But it's a good thing; it allowed a lot of character interaction, and since it's the last D101 episode, I tried to allow every character some kind of moment.

Grey's cool, too. I gotta draw him shirtless sometime. I bet he's got more tattoos.

Okay, end random moment of self-indulgence!

Oh, visit He just drew a kickass Icefanart.

My gad I'm tired. It's 7:18 and I'm waiting for a rerun of 'Friends' to come on. For some reason I always take a break at 7 (if I'm at home), because there is nothing on the telly at this time, and I just prefer to have some random Simpsons/Friends/King of the Hill rerun on when I'm working. Not quite sure why that is.

The hours that I have been working the last few weeks have bee supernatural. It's strange, because I'm not usually one to go above and beyond the call of duty, and suddenly buckle-down and pull 16 hour workdays, fall into bed, then do it again. And again, and again.

Usually the most I'll do is 10 hours, and I won't sacrifice my sad little social life ... but these past two months. Wow. I shocked myself.

I hope, in the end, it'll be worth it and I won't hate my film. I don't *think* I will... I mean, I'll dislike certain parts of it, and I don't think I'm a good animator, but I think I'll be proud of finishing it.  ... and I'll gut any stuck up wanker who comes along and sniffs about how it "falls short" of some abstract idea of perfection. What a knob.

... oh, wait, that happened with D101, not the film. Hah! I must be projecting. And grumpy! ... well, that's a given.

I hate it when "respected in the field" people are jackasses to me*. You can't say anything back, because then you're just some amature hack who 'can't take criticism', but then you feel like suck a spineless slug for just standing there and taking their asinine comments... 'please sir, may I have some more?'

Ah, I do so attract the morons, the darlings.

Five minutes left. Think I'll eat an apple. Yummy.

*No, this does not include actual warrented criticism. I'm talking about backhanded comments, comments that I don't think are warrented, and just overall asinine-ness by people who obviously consider themselves superior to a little netgirl with a comic that she does for fun.

My computer is still not recognizing the USB port, and the USB thing my brother bought didn't fix things. *sigh* So I'm scanner-less until further notice. And just when I was all on time with my D101 pages!

I've been mildly perterbed with my art of late. Not really all that frustrated or bothered by it, but there's just a general feeling that I'm not producing work that's as original as I'm capible of. Granted, all the work I've been doing of late have been church sketches as I've banned myself from other doodlings, but I just feel vaugely uninspired.... and like my style has stagnated a bit. And style's pretty important to me.

I saw a couple of episodes of that FLCL anime thing people seem to like ... seriously, what the shit was that? Whatever those animators are smoking, I want some. That was some messed up shit. What was with the giant iron?

Japan, you so crazy.

First of all: gr. Why isn't my last picture (El from the DR comic) showing up on my DA frontspage?

Bloody hell. They closed the school today and WindowsXP killed my USB port. No, really. I had my computer wiped and XP installed on the weekend (so frustrating!) and now it's not detecting my scanner or printer. It's strange. My brother (he who knows things about computers, as opposed to me) fiddled with the bios, but whenever the USB port is turned on, the computer freezes and won't boot up.

WHY GOD WHY????
... I need to scan crap... I actually have pictures I want to ebay, and I can't scan them. Bah. Hope this gets fixed soon.

So I guess it's another useless day of quibbling with storyboards. Maybe I'll finish reading Dune. I'm about 75 pages from the end. It's slightly less interesting now that Paul has become The One, but I'm intrigued to know where the story will go next.

I absolutely loved the bit when Paul turned to his witch-mommy and said "We must walk without rhythm." Nearly died. Fatboy Slim wrote a song about that!

If you walk without rhythm you won't attract the worm.

Miss Alli is the best damn thing about Television without Pity ([link]. All the other recappers pale before the might of her snark! If it wasn't completely creepy, I'd say I'm in love with her words.

Had a miserible day. Couldn't draw. Felt so oppressively pessimistic and weighted down by that pessimism. But now I feel rather better, because I went to Old Navy and found a PERFECT shoulder bag that'll hold my sketchbooks, pencils and wallet. It's not too big, nor too small. I loves it, my precious. I'm actually wearing it on my shoulder, as I'm sitting here typing. How stupid is that?

I find it very bothersome that I seem to know exactly what I do NOT want to do as a career as opposed to what I WANT to do. *sigh* I shall not listen to the voices in my head! Those negative bastards... bah.

I'm trying to shut down my lazy-ass doodling habits. I have the habit of just randomly drawing crap (which is why this DA account is so full!), which isn't a very efficiant use of my time.... so from now on the only doodling I do will be in church or in class. All my (spare) drawing time from now on will be devoted to comics or larger projects, like that D101 poster I've been wanting to do for ages, but keep putting off due to the fact that it's much more fun to sit and doodle pretty girls and guys while watching The Surreal Life.

So, yeah. Doodlepostings will probably drop off a bit, but hopefully I'll be able to actually finish that D101 poster and show it off. ^_^

... oh, yeah... and all that schoolwork too. Blech!

I draw too much.

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I hate that arguement. The idea that because something is free and run by someone 'out of the goodness of their heart' you don't have the right to question them or complain in any way (in this case, complaining about Elfwood and how it is run by its moderators). Load of crap, that argument.

Hey, say I went a little nutty and turned on all my readers and screamed at them about how they should lick my boots for doing Demonology 101 (my online comic), which I gave to them free out of the goodness of my generous heart. Well, I'd be crowned the queen of grand wankdom, and laughed off the internet.

I hate criticism. I really do. I'm not going to sit here and pretend I like it, oh, please sir, give me more ... but I'm not going to tell people to shut the hell up just because I do something for free. It's up to me to decide whether or not the criticism is valid. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it ain't. But you sure as heck look like some sort of arrogant git if you sit there and snot about how everyone should be grateful and worship you in your entirity because you do something for free.

And y'know what? It isn't like this is volunteering time at a soup kitchen or something. It's a damn internet site.

I really hate to say this, but I keep thinking it: in certain lights and with certain expressions, the actress who plays River looks like a Downs Syndrome girl I used to work with. ;;; Only in certain lights and with certain expressions, tho!
... it just keeps niggling at me every now and then, tho.

Am fighting off a lot of art-related pessimism right now. You know, same old, same old: what if I'm never going to go anywhere with this, what if I'm in the wrong field, what if I'm never able to support myself, what if I don't have the drive/personality/ambition to 'make it', etc etc.

God, it's just hard sometimes. Hard not to listen to the voices in your head.

But anyway. I watched the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen to night. Goodness, it was bad. Quite possibly one of the worst movies I've ever seen... yet enjoyable, too. Y'know how you get movies that're so bad theyr'e good? This was one of those. Unlike, say, The Hulk, which was just bad. I did sort of enjoy Mina as a vampiric ice princess as opposed to that know it all bint she was in the comic. Even though I have both volumes of the graphic novel, I'm not buying the next. If I wanted to read about the adventures of a bunch of angsting, unlikable, homicidal  characters I'd go pick out an Ann Rice book from the library.

And libraries are FREE, bless them.

I got the Firefly complete season on DVD for Christmas!

... yes, this is important news. I love it. Except for Inara. I hate her, man. Why's she even in the show? It's strange and original, and then they have this thudding sterotype, the "prostitute with the heart of gold" who is secretly in love with the Captain who acts like he hates her but oh it's just to disguise the TWU WUV they feel for each other. And she even has good sex and doesn't seem to worry about STDs!

Pfft, Hollywood.

But I still love it. I just want her to get kicked into the ship's engine, like that bad guy. That was the BEST!

I was great until I woke up.

It's a strange thing to be worrying about on Christmas Eve, but I just want to feel that I'm going somewhere, instead of heading towards unemployment.

And I HATE IT when people keep offering me this advice: "ooh, it's who you know, it's a matter of getting your work out there, it's being pushy."

Frig you. You already have your work out there, you're already 'known'. Don't act like that's a positive thing for me. Some of us can't seem to get noticed, and we're a little frustrated by that.

I hate the way the world works.

Like I said, I was fine until I woke up.

Merry Christmas all.

Ooh, lookit what was just posted on the Elfwood front page by it's lord and master:
"I'm planning to change the look of Elfwood in the near future. When I do that, I will also join the Science Fiction and Fantasy art areas into one. It's impossible to know where the exact border is, and it takes a lot of time from the moderators. Expect Elfwood to be down for a day or two in the (near?) future when I do this operation."

Wow. Isn't that great? No more of that 'this isn't fantasy, get your dirty picture out of our Woods' crap. I am *very* impressed that they have *finally* taken this step....

... sarcasm doesn't come across well in the written word, so let me assure you those lines were DRIPPING with it.

I really don't like Elfwood. I have a gallery there that I don't update anymore. I joined way back when there weren't a billion people on the site, and before that gawdawful moderation system was implimented. And for a good while, EW was a pretty decent place. It was the only place you could get to see the work of certain artists, as they didn't have webpages... and DA did not yet exist.

Then... IT happened. I reported a direct swipe to the ERB (the very first time I'd done so, and oh BOY do I regret that), and through that report, Thomas (or one of his minions) found his way to my gallery. Apparently what I thought was fantasy, and what was acceptable for that gallery was not what he agreed with, and I recieved an email ordering me to remove about half the gallery.

And then he posted a note ON EW'S FRONT PAGE bitching about how my work did not belong in the fantasy section of EW.

Wow, talk about a mature and professional way to handle things. Bra VO.

Things went downhill after that. All galleries were "reviewed" by a minion, and the mod system was implimented. EW turned from being a decent gallery to a nazi-esque venture. Other people have said it better than I: you cannot have over 100 people (the various mods, that is, who look at every single picture that is posted to EW) defining what is fantasy, as everyone will have a different definition... I don't care how many strict guidelines you have.

And then all the good artists left. Now the only reason to have an EW gallery is to promote your webpage ... or to get one if you just don't know any better. The quality of art there is just terrible.

So that's my sordid little story. I still browse EW, though God knows why... I haven't found an artist I like there in a good long time... and if I do, they've already got a nice webpage set up. And hey, on a webpage you don't have some mod hanging over your shoulder, telling you what you can and cannot post.

I feel like a quote from the Simpsons would be apt: "Sure, we have order, but at what price?"

The line from Blazing Saddles that always slays me:

"I don't need to tell you what's been going on these last few days: Sheriff murdered. Crops burned. Stores looted, people stampeded and cattle raped."

*dies*

... oh, school is over for 2003. Whoop whoop whoop whoop!

Watched Pirates of the Carribbean with Mom tonight. I think it confused her. But then, she's also the one I saw The Truman Show with in the theatre... and half way through she exclaimed "OH! His life is a TV show!"

She has a new saying: "I'm Dory, I'm Dory." Heh, yeah.